i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
