i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
