Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
