hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
