Tell her she can't have a vagina
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
