i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm jealous of your bromance
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
