For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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