sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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