I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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