Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
