two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
