shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
