New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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