My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize