The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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