the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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