Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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