I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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