Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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