It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
