I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
