they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
