So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
