its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
