we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
