At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
