If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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