I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
