You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am puke
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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