Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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