Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
