dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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