She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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