someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How does one acquire holy water?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
