her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
