I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
