I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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