On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
