Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
