if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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