bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
