She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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