I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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