Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
