Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
