Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
