I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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