ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
