u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
