Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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