Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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