Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize