Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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