after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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