your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
