Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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