..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
