your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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