her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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