my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I met the friendliest cop last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
