I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
