i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
zippers are such a cool invention
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
