I bet he comes in French.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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