I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
