Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
